Letting go, moving on

This will probably be the hardest post I'll ever have to write, but I know I have to address it at some point and that point should be sooner rather than later. I haven't gone about this in the best way possible, because I didn't know how to handle it, to be honest. I never in my life thought that I'd have a blog that reaches thousands of people on a daily basis. People that truly care about what is going on in my life and have genuine concern about what is happening. I've received the most insane amount of emails, tweets, calls and texts the past few weeks. It tore my heart to shreds to have so much support, from strangers to friends and family even when a lot of people didn't know what was going on. It has been insanely overwhelming and has gotten me through some pretty dark days the past few weeks.

Many of you will be shocked and saddened to hear that Brett and I have decided to go our separate ways. It's been a decision I've been struggling with for the past year and finally realized it's time for it to come to an end. Although I've made some big mistakes, Brett and I aren't saying anyone is at fault or finger pointing. He has been a huge part of my life, a best friend since I was a teenager. But somewhere in the past five years, we lost what we thought we had when we were younger. We somehow lost the passion. As much as I wanted to get it back, I couldn't anymore. It broke my heart that I stopped wanting to try. It was the hardest decision of my life to finally accept that. It wasn't because of anything negative Brett ever did. We never even fought. We even sat down and wrote this post together. Brett is one of the most amazing people I've ever known. But we are both feeling relieved and hopeful about the future and will continue to stay friends as we always have been.

Many of you have noticed I've struggled lately, especially with the little things, which isn't normally like me. I thought moving to Grand Rapids would help fix something between us. We'd have more to do in the city and we'd be closer to friends. But it just ended up tearing us more apart. The boxes stayed unpacked, the frames went unhung. I went through a scary episode with my eyes and I ended up overly freaking out about wearing glasses (seriously‚ who cares?) and I finally realized it wasn't the new city or the glasses. It was the fact that I knew my marriage was ending and it was inevitable. It shocked me even when my closest friends and parents weren't surprised at our news. They all knew something I chose to ignore for a very long time. It's been a huge wake-up call.

I still believe in love. I absolutely believe in marriage. I'll never stop believing in those things. Ever. I saw my grandparents grow old together and celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. How could I not believe in true love? This just wasn't it for Brett or I. We were best friends, who perhaps got married too young. I don't at all regret the past six years of my life with him. They've held some of the best memories of my life and his. And we are both going to stay in each other's lives as friends. As sad as it is with what's happening, Brett and I have stayed close, promising to take care of each other through this process because we honestly do care about each other. Just not in the way a husband and wife should care about each other. We lost the fight, but we won some amazing times along the way. He'll always be a HUGE part of my life and I know I will be a huge part of his. We have no regrets. But we both know this is the best decision and we're ready to move on and accomplish the things we couldn't do together.

I'm terrified to hit publish on this post, but I feel like this is something I needed to do before I could fully move on. We both have an amazing support system, so I know we won't have to walk down this road alone. I'm terrified of the backlash of this, especially when my life is so public. I know I haven't always been entirely honest on this blog, but it's just easier to blog about the things that make me happy rather than sad. I never wanted Selective Potential to be a place where I dump my problems. I wanted it to make me happy and inspire me. Would you scrapbook the crappy fight you had with your husband or the time you got into a car accident or whatever? I don't think so. Thank you for your (already amazing) support. There are dark days ahead, but I know I'll be okay because of the people in my life. Everyone makes mistakes; everyone is human. I just need to continue to stay true to myself and follow my heart. I've lived my entire life by following my heart and sometimes it really hurts me, but it's also got me to some of the best places in my life.

As for the blog, I will never delete my past content. It's my past and it's an amazing past I will always look back on happily. I want to live a life with no regrets. Relationships end, people move on, but I'll never delete Brett from this blog or my life. I know this sounds insanely weird to some people. It's weird to me too. I always thought divorce was two people who hated each other and screamed and fought. That's just not us and it never has been. Selective Potential will move forward though. I will continue to blog about my personal style, trips I take and things that inspire me. It will continue to be a happy place for me. I will not be allowing comments on this post, but if you want to have a conversation about this, please email me. I've already told several people about the situation because they've emailed me, were genuine and asked. There are so many hurtful things people are saying, when all they are doing is speculating. But yet, none of them have reached out to me and asked. I'd love to have a conversation with any of you, just don't hide behind the anonymity of the internet and show your face. Obviously, I'm showing mine. And it's not perfect, but it's mine.